On Dreams

If I were being honest with both you and myself, I would have to admit that random eureka moments are rare for me. So, I was surprised when one kind of smacked me in the head today at work.

Since my birthday several months ago, I have been conscious of getting older, but in the negative sense–“look what you haven’t done yet.” Today, the flip side of that statement dawned on me. Yes, I am getting older, but that means that now is the time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. I am limited in how I can do stuff, but those limitations are not complete barricades. I have no kids. I have lots of free time. My bills aren’t exactly minimal, but they are at the lower end of what they will be in the course of my life. Now is the time to do something.

As I was at work, I felt an unexpected sense of exuberance as I contemplated not putting my dreams off any longer.

Then I went home and started googling the fine print of those dreams.

And now I feel stumped all over again. Do I have what it takes? Am I even any good at what I want to do, or do I just think I’m good enough? Do I even know what the hell I want to say?

It’s easy to say, “Don’t doubt yourself; follow your dreams” to someone who is obviously freakishly gifted; say that to just anyone and–well, you’ve seen American Idol. I don’t want to be that person who, come hell or high water, will do something, not realizing that realistically,  she has no business doing it.

I do still think that if I’m going to do a big project, this is probably a fortuitous time to do it. However, I also need to think long and hard about if I would be doing it for real and valuable reasons, or just to say I’ve ticked off one box of things I’ve always wanted to do.


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