I wanted to write this last night, but the Internet was not cooperating. Ever since the minor snowstorm last week, the Internet at housing has been coming and going a lot. It was coming, but by the time I got around to posting this, it was going. So here I am now.
My morning hasn’t started off the greatest. I’m working the library this morning and this year, we have more responsibilities. That part I don’t mind. We’re expected to have done the first round of those responsibilities within 3 weeks. That may be a little difficult. So, after I get off here I’ll probably start on that. Anyway, as I was getting ready this morning, I discovered that I have lost one of my favorite pairs of tan lace-up shoes. When I go home I’ll be looking for those. And, in my eagerness to take a swig out of my Starbucks coffee mug, I didn’t realize that there was a bubble over the mouthpiece, which after withholding coffee from me, burst and splattered coffee all over my chin, blazer, and sweater. So, as I’m looking for my tan lace up shoes, I will now probably be doing some more laundry as well. Ug.
However, my purpose in writing was not to have a pity party for myself because I’m not having the greatest morning, so I’m not gonna dwell on that part. I was going to talk about my assignment.
I have been given one of the hardest assignments of my seminary career so far to do this weekend. It’s not hard because of the workload. The workload is actually quite simple. It’s hard emotionally. So far, I have only had to face myself twice in seminary classes, a fact which by itself is a little disturbing, especially considering that one of those times I chose to do the self-reflection type paper. It makes me wonder a bit. I think for sure there’s one other class where I’ll have to face myself, but outside that, I really don’t know. Is it possible to go through seminary without having to ever face yourself–the good, the bad, and the ugly? If so, what kind of ministers are we sending out? And if so, why are we so shocked that ministers haven’t dealt with nasty habits and such by the time they become well-established in the ministry?
Anyway, all that to say that since facing myself is a rare thing, being asked to do it is sort of a big deal. The project is a personal timeline which we are to share with the class. The timeline is to cover people/events that have shaped us, for better or for worse. Basically, you’re hitting all the major points of your life in this thing. That’s tough stuff. Especially since good and bad things are differentiated by different colors. I’m afraid that at least half of my timeline will be the “bad” color, despite my life not having been nearly as hard as many I know. It’s hard enough sharing the overall gist of your life with people you don’t know that well…even harder when half of it is bad. You feel a bit like a whiner, which is definitely not a desirable impression to leave.
I’ve thought about some things and scratched a few out on paper. There was one good thing that happened that I was trying to find the date for (it has to be in chronological order, unfortunately): my trip with Michelle to Birmingham a few years back. However, as far as I’ve seen, Xanga does not have a box where you can search your blog for specific words or phrases, so I had to guess a year and start going through old entries, month by month, page by page. Even in just scanning over the old entries, I was a bit saddened because I realized for the most part, now I am nothing like I was in my younger years–even in college just a few years back.
In some of those entries, I wrote of conversations with God that came to me as naturally as if He had been sitting beside me. I wrote about things as simple as beautiful weather and things I was learning from Scripture. Now, those things aren’t as much a part of my daily life. Now, I do well to write something significant at all. I’m not sure what has happened to that person. I don’t know if I’ve grow physically but regressed spiritually, or if I was just naive then and more jaded now, or if seminary has reduced my God fascination to a God science. I don’t know. I do know that I don’t want this to become the story of my life: someone who was once in love with God but got too preoccupied with “reality.” It is sad. I used to have such a fluent relationship with God that I more or less took it for granted. Now, I’ve gotten into an “other” mode and I don’t know how to wrench myself free from it.
It’s amazing what a few years and a lot of distractions can do.
Speaking of distractions and moving onto a slightly happier note, I am officially in a relationship. I’m still not going to give names because he’s in the military, and I don’t want giving his name on the Internet now to put him in any sort of bind or danger later. I probably won’t give names til we’re engaged or something. But I will post a picture of him, cause he’s a cutie. This is from an ice fishing trip he took a little while ago. As you can probably tell, it was apparently quite cold…
Anyway, that’s all the news for now.