So tired, but so much to say, haha. You’ll have to pardon me if everything sounds a little disjointed and not like me at all right now. I’ve been fighting the overwhelming urge to fall asleep today. I was up til 1:30 this morning working on a study guide for my Early American Lit test tomorrow (yeah it’s a Miller class, how did you know?) and making my suitemate Vicki P a very crudely drawn birthday card. Today’s her big 21, so happy birthday to her. If ya see her today, wish her a happy day, and if you don’t catch her til later, wish her a happy day anyway.
I guess I should get the bad over with first (it’s brief anyway). I’m a little worried about my schoolwork. I got a test back today that I’d failed. That’s not like me at all (thus far I’m a straight A student for the most part). Of course, this year I was trying out the “new me,” the me with an actual life outside school. Maybe that doesn’t work for me too well… But at the same time it all kinda goes back to this theme God’s been pointing to anyway that for one, I can’t make anything happen (“Crooked souls tryin to stay up straight,” to quote the Switchfoot line) and for two, He’s gotta take priority over everything, including how well I’d like my grades to be. Maybe this a way He’s trying to break me of that. I dunno.
In other news, I do have a date for formal. I could’ve sworn I just heard jubilant sighs of relief from the four corners of the world…Yes for those who were questioning whether I’d still go to heaven because I didn’t have a date for formal, my ticket/dancecard is officially punched (yes that was sarcasm). But, I am glad to be goin with Joe; I think we’ll have fun.
God’s been up to some craziness lately. Craziness concerning the Canada issue: I have been saying for awhile that I’m seriously considering CSBS seminary in Cochrane after I graduate. But I haven’t done any investigating into it; I guess I thought that would be jumping the gun on God. Well, at BSU last Wed night, David Platt spoke on Luke 9, including Luke 9:62 (“Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the kingdom of God.”) I vaguely remember that verse playing a part in my call to summer missions one year (either DE or the first Canada trip, I don’t remember which). I thought, maybe by my not investigating Canada like I’m really going to do it, I’m putting my hand to the plow and looking back. So that night I e-mailed my friend Mike B, and got Richard B’s (seminary president) e-mail from him. The next day I wrote Richard, who said he’d heard tons of stories like mine and recommended that I go ahead and apply. Somehow that seemed too sudden, too, so I waited. I updated my pastor last Sunday on the new developments. When I told him I hadn’t applied, he said, “Well wouldn’t not applying still be putting your hand to the plow and looking back?” Touche. So I printed off the application and started on it just yesterday. My parents (my mom especially) are not happy with this. They’re dealing with it, but when I mention Canada to my mom, her tone of voice changes to this “It’s your life but I’m not happy” tone. Wouldn’t you know the other day I happened to read around in Matthew 9, which has verses like Jesus asking the disciples to pray for laborers for the harvest. And, Matthew 10, which has the following starting in v.34: “Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! No, I came to bring a sword. 35I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36Your enemies will be right in your own household! 37If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. 38If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. 39If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it.” Of course, you can imagine the daughter set against her mother and enemies in your household and don’t love your family more than Me parts stuck out. I realized I cannot be intimidated by my parents’ support or lack of. I have to be more concerned about His will. The whole “worthy of being mine” part stuck out too. To me it implies that you can follow Christ in act, but if you don’t love Him more than all these other things, it’s just not worth anything. Then Monday night, I went to Upper Room, where it turns out the guest worship leaders were originally from *say it with me now* Canada! Newfoundland, to be exact. They’re just living/ministering in Vicksburg. I just laughed for like 10 minutes and then got kinda frustrated with God for His sick and twisted sense of humor. When I told Vicki about it, she said, “All you need now is a neon sign.” I said, “Watch me get that tomorrow, with my luck.” I’m still in the applying stage (with my busy schedule, even filling out the forms, getting recommendations, and writing an essay will take awhile), and I”m still not making anything official yet. If it turns out that this isn’t what God wants, I’ll turn it down (if I get in). But it looks more and more like He’s pushing me toward that cliff, and I”m a little nervous. When I know for sure, though, I’ll make an “official announcement.”
Interesting-stuff-I’m-learning craziness: Matthew 9–I’ve noticed Jesus’ encouragement lately. He didn’t just robotically heal people. He tells the paralyzed man, “Take heart, son!” He says to hemorrhaging woman, “Daughter, be encouraged!” I just think it’s cool how real Jesus is, and how purposeful He is to encourage people. Matthew 10–When Jesus gets into the talk about sending the disciples out as sheep among wolves, He uses a lot of absolute affirmative verbs: “you will be handed over tot he courts and beaten . . .” “you must stand trial . . .” “when you are arrested . . .” “you will be given the right words . . .” “it will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” I just find it interesting. It’s pretty much impossible to try to preach health and wealth in the face of such words. The “must” one is interesting especially. It’s not just an affirmative, it’s also imperative. It’s not just a “this will happen,” it’s a “this has got to happen, you have got to do this, it’s absolutely urgent.” Matthew 13 (3-9)–The ground is passive. It doesn’t do anything, but the cultivation process has given it its characteristics. We are cultivated either by God or the world to righteousness or to sinfulness. Matthew 13:44–Amazing verse. I just noticed the amazingness of it today. Imagine, a man so excited about a treasure he’s found he hides it again to protect it from being taken from him, and delights in the fact that he’ll get to unearth it again and again. Then he sells everything he’s worth, anything he has of value, he strips himself bare of all belongings to buy the field. The treasure makes the field worth something and the treasure also changes the man’s perception of the field. Put in that light especially, it’s so cool that Jesus prays for laborers for the fields. He’s the treasure hidden around us, it’s our job to help others see that He’s right there. I wrote a whole devotion type thing about it which explains a lot better, but that’s a brief synopsis of it. Anyways, gotta go, Vicki’s birthday celebration (good food and fellowship), church/choir (good worship), and studying for my American Lit test (good way to stress myself out) beckon, haha.