(Currently listening: Hello Kelly: “Time to Make It Good” from their MySpace website… their upcoming album The Modern Day Fades Away is one of those “hope to purchase eventually if I ever get money albums,” haha)
Hey, everybody. Well, it is definitely nice to be back and see my MC friends (not to mention getting back to high-speed internet and the civilization that is to be found in the Metro area, haha). Gotta admit, though, I didn’t miss dropping that painful amount of cash for books… For one of my classes, I had to get 4 books. Those who are in this class with me feel my pain, I know. A certain English professor here is quite bananas, that’s all I’ve got to say. I guess it’s to be expected my senior year, but still, it seems a little overboard.
One thing crossed my mind that may need clearing up. A few people today have asked me how I am and I’ve said, “Better.” It occurred to me that I may be forgetting who knew I was sick and who didn’t know. But yeah, late Friday night I started getting really bad sick. I’ll spare you guys details, but for those rare curious minds, think along the lines of what happened at the Nettles’ house awhile back… times 2…all within the course of about 8 hours. Yeah, it was rough. I went to MEA Saturday and the doc said I’d either gotten slightly dehydrated moving in (imagine that) or I had a virus. He gave me some medicine, told me to stay indoors for the next day or two, and put me on a diet of clear liquids, bananas, and jello. So, to those I saw who walked away from talking to me more confused than they may have been coming to talk to me, that’s what I was talking about. I was rather proud of myself for getting out, buying books, lugging them all to the room, then going back outside to get my parking decal, take the old one off (which was definitely a process) and put the new one on. If I can do all that, I think I should be allowed to eat better food than jello and bananas. When I was in the caf buying my Hawk Nelson tickets, the caf food was looking and smelling sooooo good. Yeah, I know; it’s probably all the jello and bananas getting to me. But still, I’m going to be quite happy to be able to eat any semblance of normal food tomorrow, even if it is from Sodexho.
So, I was thinking maybe, with this being my last year in school and all, I should make a few resolutions. These are not set in stone (because I know how New Year’s Resolutions tend to go), but they’re just things I think I’d like to see happen in this last year:
1. This one’s pretty much decided. I am not going to do anything further in the way of trying to get “in” with the English department here. It has finally gotten through my thick skull that this is a lost cause. Not only that, but is it something I really want? No. Basically, last year I wanted a knowledgeable person to help guide me in my new setting and help me find where I fit in in the English realm. I’ve realized since then that I don’t fit into English (at least not as it’s done here with the big literature emphasis). I like to read and I realize how valuable books are, but that’s just not where my heart is. I can’t make myself love something. Part of the reason it’s probably so hard for me to communicate with the English department is that I’m coming from a completely different world. To the professors, this is heaven; they are exactly in line with their passions. To me, many times this is like pulling teeth–not exactly my first choice of experiences. There’s a pretty big chasm between those 2 perceptions that makes it hard for each to understand the other. Probably the closest thing to English I would ever do is teach ESL. No in-depth discussions and research papers on “what Faulkner really meant” for me, thank you. English is my major; I intend to finish it out the best I can (after all, I’ve come too far to go back now), but that will probably be all.
2. I want to hang out with the International Students more, especially now that I know where the International House is, haha. I’m going to try to do conversation this semester like I did last semester. Several of our new international students are Chinese, and with me being freshly back from hanging out with Chinese in Canada this summer, I feel like I have an extra understanding of them and an extra compassion for them. Plus, I can say “hello,” “goodbye,” and “thank you” in Mandarin, which I’m sure would help, too.
3. I want things that are truly important to me personally to stay priority over school, if it comes down to it. Now, those of you who know my at-times Type A personality probably are getting a good chuckle right now, and I don’t blame you a bit. Still, though, this is my last year. Not to be melodramatic, but after I graduate, things will never be the same again. I don’t want to look back on my senior year of college and wish that I’d hung out with my friends more or spent more alone time with God instead of constantly pushing myself to do school first. Yes, I desire to do the best I can in school (and in work, and in The Collegian, though that last one will be a toughie). But not at the cost of something greater and more permanent. I want to have a happy ending to college; I have the rest of my life to be a workhorse. I want to go out to eat (when I have money) and go on crazy adventures with my friends. I want to go to more ST functions (again if finances permit) and go to the formal (whether I have money or not). I want to go to concerts. I want to feel comfortable enough to, at a moment’s notice, drop everything to get away with God. (Besides, that’s the only way I’m ever going to truly know my calling and what direction that will mean.) I know this year probably won’t be painless or stressless, but there’s no reason why it still shouldn’t be as enjoyable as I can possibly let it be. Maybe I’m naive for thinking this way; it’s quite possible that within my first 3 days of class, every bit of what I’m saying now will be out the window. But I hope not; this time is too precious for me to not be thinking this way.